On her radio show, Dr. Laura said that, as an
observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus
18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is
an open letter to Dr. Schlesinger, written by a US man, and posted on the
Internet. It's funny, as well as quite informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people
regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to
share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus
18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some
advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how
to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess
slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring
nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into
slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think
would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a
woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24.
The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take
offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a
sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The
problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I
smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on
the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally
obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though
eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of
abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the
altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear
reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room
here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair
trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly
forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the
skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear
gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19
by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He
also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to
all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16.
Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with
people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively
and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can
help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word
is eternal and unchanging.
Your adoring fan,
James M. Kauffman,
Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special
Education University of Virginia
P.S. (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't
own a Canadian.)
4 comments:
Sorry James, we Canadians are not for sale!
The writers of The West Wing used this e-mail (which has been circulating for a number years) for a scene in which President Bartlett meets with a group of talk radio hosts and gets into a confrontation with a Dr. Laura-like character.
I was watching a rerun of The WW a few days ago and saw this scene (see it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eD52OlkKfNs).
Something for the literalists to think about.
Back in 2000 I was one of the writers and performers in a 90 minute long comedy sketch show at Donny'sSkybox Theater at the Second City in Chicago titled, "Biological Error." It was
in honor of Dr. Laura who that year declared gay people to be biological errors. She was really hot back then with her syndicated radio talk show dispensing advice on morality and could often be seen on programs such as The 700 Club railing against the immorality of America and western culture which she claimed was a result of people having left their biblical moorings behind and becoming a law unto themselves.
By then she had "repented" of her youthful indiscretions which included several naked pictures of her with her boyfriend floating around the internet. She had had a spiritual rebirth and become a practicing orthodox Jew, became BIG on family values and had adopted as her working motto: "You Are Your Kid's Mom!" (code for, Don't you forget who's the boss, and don't you let them forget it either!)
Dr. Laura had by then written a number of books including one on the Ten Commandments with a rabbi friend of hers. She was "HOT" when it came to Xian and Jewish conservatives!
Unfortunately, it turns out that the good Dr. though her kid's mother, didn't turn out to be much of a mother's daughter in direct violation of the fifth commandment, when the poor woman was found having been dead in her apartment for three months, only three blocks away from the West Hollywood radio studio where Dr. Laura dispensed advice on morality to Americans everyday and labeled gays as "biological errors."
The only way her mother was found was that neighbors finally called the super when the smell seeping through the walls and floors of her apartment became unbearable!
Sorry if I'm being judgmental but as someone who for the past 11 1/2 years has pretty much put his own life on hold, to work all night and then come home to take care of, along with one brother, our mother with dementia, I'd rather be the first kind of biological error than the error in Dr. Laura's genetic coding that made her, as I really have no respect for anyone who would let their own mother turn into a compost heap on the living room rug.
With that said, I also remember my aunt telling me that when she and my mother got married after WWII they religiously listened to a marriage counselor on radio named Dr. Anthony and after each program the two sisters would call each other and exchange notes on how to be good wives and mothers.
Twenty years later when Dr. Anthony died she was shocked to find out while reading his obituary that he had been divorced five times. (Go figure.) To once again on this site, paraphrase a quote I read years ago by a Jewish humorist (who I thought was Leo Rosten but it turns out was actually Sam somebody or other) "In the depth of the mind, in some dark corner, everybody's NUTS! (And make that double for Dr. Laura.)
Daryl Lach
USA Central
"You Must Go Home By the Way Of the Cross, To Stand With Jesus in the Morning!"
Well written, thought provoking and funnier than anything else I've read today! True, we are all sinners, saved only by the grace of God! USA East
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