What will be the role of the non-officer spouse? Part 5

On arriving at my officer spouse’s new appointment I was approached by a member of the shrinking corps fellowship (steady annual 2 decade decline) and asked if I’d like to join the band and songsters. Word had reached the corps that I’d been a staff bandsman, Bandmaster, Songster Leader, composer, etc.


I was in a wheelchair, disabled following a stroke 2 years earlier, and began my response; “Due my disability I no longer play a instrument and can no longer carry a tune…” The local officer quickly interjected, “What can you do!?”

The corps’ numbers and programming had suffered significant decline for 2 decades and had settled into a self-created comfort zone of living on its laurels- its milestones had become millstones! Any semblance of a friendly Christian welcome was non-existent. I was pleased to learn in time that not all of the old saints had tarnished halos! 

I believe one of the greatest challenges of being a non-officer spouse and the inherent conflict of meeting the perceived expectations of the corps’ folk and the community. Are you fowl or fish or something in between?! Are you part of a leadership team or a silent bystander? Most non-officer spouses, and in particular non-salvationist spouses will face this awkward and often difficult dilemma. And being a part of the ‘ministry’ automatically puts one and one’s family in a ‘fish bowl’; always under scrutiny, not to be commended for the good being achieved but rather, people looking for faults and weaknesses. The expectations of an officer’s spouse are many and often hard to redefine and accept. And this is the result of the officer’s spouse not having a title, job description and one might add, at times, no identity. Not until now have we faced officers married to non-officers arriving at a SA appointment with unspecified expectations.

Today’s urban ministry is characterized by constant change, including corps and HQ leadership and it’s likely the SSO couple is more prepared and adept at compromising and accepting change than those who’ve never met this newly designed Pastoral style. However, for some the lifestyle change may be more traumatic than for others.

For the non-salvationist spouse there’ll be the expectation that they be familiar with, and even be asked to be involved in the ministry of the corps on every level – music, Bible studies, house visits, women and children's ministries, event coordinator and ‘taking the Sunday morning offering- and being the custodian, corps driver and AV tech! These expectations if taken too seriously can at times have a debilitating effect. Work out an acceptable list of expectations from day one in order that no one feel over worked, unloved and underpaid! Also define the non-officer’s souse’s involvment in the decision making process of the corps. Are they are expected to lead many activities? Flexibility and gracious tolerance are the necessary virtues that should be a part of both SSO couples they have to learn to juggle between SA responsibilities and the home. There will be occasions when the officer is torn between these two responsibilities. It is a delicate balance between the demands of children and the demands of the SA appointment because the corps’ folk are like the officer’s children too, a unique distinction the non-officer spouse may not understand and/or accept. 

A SA officer (pastor) can never minister beyond the harmony at home.  The officer needs to ensure that the couple’s relationship continues to grow and strengthen and that the non-officer is not taken for granted. An officer’s spouse who fully comprehends the call and TSA’s mission needs to give the officer spouse top priority. The way he/she treats and respects the officer spouse will set the standard and determine how others will treat him/her. One cannot respect an officer who is disrespected by his own spouse!

Dr. Sven Ljungholm

SA soldier (on overseas service until Dec 26, 2012

Liverpool - Birkenhead Corp