Cowabunga Man Vs Eat My Shorts: The Bart Simpson Theological Wars Part One

I have a secret confession to make. When I was a teenager, and into my Officership, I used to enjoy watching the Simpsons. This was very much a clandestine indulgence as many of the members of the Corps Census in my home corps had declared that ‘The Simpsons’ was one of the most evil and heretical shows on television at the time, and had made it known that they would stand down any soldier who was known to watch the show.

One episode of the Simpsons that sticks in my mind (can’t remember the name of the episode) ended with a scene set in the far distant future. Two armies were lined up in battle against each other. One declaring that ‘the great prophet Barth Simpson said ‘eat my shorts’’ (implying a particular philosophy and religion), the other declaring that ‘the holy one said ‘cowabunga man’’ (again, implying a different philosophy and religion), then the two armies went to war and annihilated each other.

The Corps Census in my home corps were also equally against all forms of dancing. Many members wouldn’t even attend a congress if they knew there was going to be liturgical dance presentations during the congress as all forms of dancing is evil and leads to the degradation of society at all levels (or so we were taught). My home corps practiced ‘liturgical movement’ instead. Hmmm. A rose by any other name...

My point for relaying the above stories is that so many disagreements among people – Christians included – come down to interpretation and understanding. When each side rigidly asserts that they are right and have the only correct interpretation, both sides tend to lose sight of how much they have in common, and how in fact they may both be right. By rigidly holding to one interpretation, people may fail to see the consequences of that interpretation, or misinterpret the position of the other side.

By holding rigidly to a position, we often fail to see the reality before us. We don’t want to believe that what we have been taught might be wrong, that our biblical understanding might be wrong. So we deny the reality of what we see in front of us and claim it doesn’t exist. Like the old joke: two Catholic women observing the people going in and out of a brothel. First they see father Edwards, the Anglican Priest going in, and they go tsch tsch. Those Anglicans.... and his poor wife.... Then they see Pastor Smith, the Baptist pastor going in, and again they despair for the soul of this member of clergy – going to use the prostitutes. Then they notice Father O’Reilly going in, and they go ‘Oh my, one of the poor unfortunate women must have died. Why else would Father go in there but to give her last rights?’

As a liberal Christian, I am fully aware of the dangers of holding a liberal position on various subjects. Where do I draw the line? Who do I exclude? Does that make me any less legalistic than conservatives are claimed to be? My response is usually ‘I don’t know!’ I recognise that throughout history, as people have grown in their understanding and scientific knowledge, as cultures have changed, as people have changed, philosophy and religion has changed. Interpretations of holy writings have changed. Doctrines have changed many times over or been re-interpreted to the point they may as well have been completely re-written. We no longer believe the earth to be flat or the centre of the universe. We no longer believe hell to be somewhere under the ground. We no longer consider scientific endeavour to be the work of Satan and a black art. At one point, the church would execute as a heretic anyone who believed such things or practiced science. The Census Board in my home corps would not enrol anyone who was a Psychologist or studying psychology or the humanities as they believed this proved they had abandoned the faith. Science has taught us many things about our universe and ourselves. It is no wonder then that so much theology has changed over the years.

At the same time, I have to realise that none of us have finished learning, or finished growing. What I understand now, in years to come I may consider foolishness – just as I now consider foolishness what I once argued so vehemently in my 20’s. In short, none of us are gods. The Apostle Paul said ‘11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.’ (1 Corinthians 13:11-12 NIV).

End Part One

Part Two "Is today’s Theological debates no different to the Barth Simpson theological wars?"


Graeme Randall
Former
Australia
Australia Southern Territory