My writer-friend (and former pastor and missionary) Cec Murphey tells the following story:"Since you came, Mr. Murphey, our church has lost some of its dignity," Dorothy said as she served me tea from an ornate silver pot resting on a silver tray. And with the next breath she asked, "Milk or sugar, Mr. Murphey?"
"One lump, please," and I reached for the cup.
"We had such—such quiet dignity before you came. I don't want to hurt your feelings in telling you all of this. But…"
I had been the pastor of the church less than four months before she and her two sisters invited me to tea. For the next forty minutes the three of them tried to help me see the error of my ways. They didn't seem interested that we had added new members or that attendance by members had increased. Their concern was the loss of decorum.
Dorothy smiled as she offered me a cookie from a silver plate. "And another thing…" She looked at a pad of paper on which she and her sisters had written a number of items.
As I walked out of the house, depression weighted me down. Their criticism hurt. I sat in my car for several minutes and prayed in deep anguish. By the end of the day, however, I had grasped one significant fact about those three sisters. They were God's grace builders in my life.
Since that I've realized that every church, company, and neighborhood has at least one grace builder. They serve a divine purpose: They teach us invaluable lessons about patience and longsuffering. They force us to grow spiritually. Grace builders drive us to pray more fervently and to scrutinize our motives. Maybe they do more for us than all the sweet, kind, and encouraging people we encounter.
Grace builders: I've known many of them. Like Johnny. He pats me on the back and sounds friendly. He makes everything into a joke so that means I can't get angry—not even when he insults me. Even when he ridicules me. I'm not paranoid; I don't feel persecuted. But I have enough sense to know when a person insults me even though hiding behind jokes and light-hearted humor.
For the past 25 years I've been a full-time writer and I haven't escaped those grace builders. They email to remind me that they discovered a misspelled word on page 197 of my latest book (as if I yearned to know that or could do anything about it once the book is in print). Or one woman said, "You're a decent writer, not as good as _____."
We all have our grace builders. Our occupation doesn't matter. And, as much as I hate to admit it, they make life miserable enough for us that we pray and realize how much we have to depend on God's help. They serve a practical, spiritual function.
I don't like the grace builders in my life. I try to avoid some of them as much as possible. With others, I grit my teeth and face them. When I think of the grace builders at work in my life I have several words to describe them: They're obnoxious, self-centered, opinionated, and demanding. Without them I could accomplish more, and feel better about life and—or could I?
Probably not: They serve a practical purpose: They are God's gifts to make us grow. And we all have them.
Which makes me wonder: Whose grace builder am I?
Cec’s words sure ring true with this pastor. I had not been more than a few months in my first church (at age 22!) when a dear old saint in the church told my wife that the difference between me and my predecessor was that he had had personality! My wife and I laugh about it now, of course, but as the years have rolled by, I have had hundreds of similar opportunities to grow in grace as a result of what Cec calls “grace builders.”
Everyone has obnoxious, self-centered, opinionated, and demanding people in our lives; pastors certainly do! But are they really “grace builders….God’s gifts to make us grow?” Is that how you look at them? If so, why? And if not, why not?
Bob Hostetler
Former Officer
USA Nat'l HQ
9 comments:
'How do I love Thee? Let me count the ways' not! My grace builders. Without thinking too hard, I can think of two in my present appointment. One a retired Officer and the other a former. Unfortunately there are times when I let them bring out the worst in me. Not to their faces, but under my breath. There are times when my reaction to them is far from gracious. As one has left the hall immediately after the benediction there have been times when I have intentionally not made it to the door in time for him to walk past my offer of a handshake and a 'God bless you'. Or my thoughts of the 'sweet' old retired officer have been ... I am sure it would help my attitude and response if I considered them to be 'grace builders'. Certainly preferable to me allowing them to rob me of grace.
Thank you for your challenging thoughts Bob!!!
Active Canada
I tried my best to respect and show grace to my pastors over the years. It is not easy being a shepherd. We need to help raise up the arms of the pastor so that she can be the best that she can be and have our support. We may have our disagreements but we can still be full of grace and grace builders.
USA East former
I've been reflecting on this in light of Luke 17 "If a brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them, and if they repent, forgive them." Having the discernment to tell when the line is crossed between someone who has a different opinion to someone who shames and ridicules another is not always easy. When do we just accept is as something that builds grace in us and when do we address it for the long term holiness of the other person?
active
US East
Is there sometimes the case where one simply has to accept that there are those in our corps who are just plain nasty ? It's those soldiers a retired SA Colonel saint warned me about on first stepping into our new NYC appointment; "Captain, she's one that we pray God surrounds with His love and takes home, soon!"
She was not 'taken home', however, the prayer was answered and the critic soon became a warm and caring supporter of the corps' initiative focusing on the city's homeless when others felt the corps was for uniformed old-timers only.
former
USA East
In my son's church they have code for people like this and it is EGN's; Extra Grace Needed.
For many years I have threatened to write the sequal to Edward Joy's 'The Old Corps', but highlighted those people in Corps who have been challenging to our sense of working together for the good of the whole.
I remember very clearly when at an officers Fellowship one evening where we were playing and some were talking about challenging Corps Locals and it turned into I will match your Bandmaster and raise you one Homeleague Secretary. I remember it with great humour but there was an underlying pain of sme Corps folk making life difficult for the current Officer.
However in some places it is not just a distraction, it is destructive. At one Corps I was compelled to read M. Scott Pecks book 'People of the Lie', a book that I would not recomend as a read to understand but to read when one is in a situation where something more than Grace is needed. (You can argue that with me if you like) In situations where evil is exhibited and needs to be addressed.
I recently wrote about 'Golden Moments'; this was not one of them, quite to the contrary and although I recognise the importance of this traumatic time in my officership, and at times challenged my long held belief that generally all people are good. I have never been able to make the leap to beleive that we were all born in sin and had to be redeemed, but atb this place for a time I was convinced that the person that penned thiose words had been a previous CO.
Absolutely loved the piece by Bob but it did drag up some memories and had to, again, get to the point of getting over it so that it did not become my default position in thinking about my officership.
Keep writing Bob.
“Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which YOU SHINE LIKE STARS in the universe” Philippians 2:14-15 NIV
Active USA
How does Luke 17 & Philippians 2 stand next to each other?
HS
You hit a sensitive nerve when you mentioned about confronting someone that has crossed the line and is downright nasty. Patience is always needed in ministry to deal with people problems and issues. To know when to speak up or shut up is a very serious spiritual matter. The long-term holiness of corps folk is often overlooked because it takes much effort and spiritual warfare which can be a bit draining at times.
I was in a corps that had many mentally challenged people that it was very draining dealing with verbal attacks upon one another.
Thank God by His grace I was able to help some ,but I fear it was only short-term.
USA Former Officer
HS, I believe you speak for most of us in that we've all been there. In one of our early appointments to a small rural corps it was quite easy to identify those persons, including 6-8 mentally challenged young adults, who had been 'coached' by our predecessors in meeting etiquette and interacting with others in group activities.
I must admit that I was somewhat apprehensive right up until the meeting began as the potentially disruptive persons were on the platform 'leading' their own meeting including playing the piano as the band was setting up. It took only one brief announcement and they along with the rest of the folk were seated and entered the spirit of the meeting. They joined the younger people who half way through the meeting departed for their own Bible study.
Active
London UKT
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