WHEN CROSSES COME Part -Two-

Here are some tips that can possibly help you thrive in difficult times as they have me?

Nourishment – There is an element that needs to be in here called selfishness, or should that be self preservation. What is it that you do just for yourself? I read somewhere once many years ago that within 18 months of leaving ministry a huge proportion of former ministers have built some thing with their hands and as an officer there were times when my most rewarding task was mowing the hall and quarter's lawns. The reason being was that I could look over my shoulder and actually see that I had done something. So much of our work is of the spirit and it is so hard to measure and evaluate, but the lawns, that was different. I wouldn’t actually say it nourished me but it gave me a feeling of usefulness. However there is a need to know what nourishes your spirit, your emotions, something that rejuvenates your life force; something that you really feel good about afterwards. I have been amazed at the variety of things that make up a person's life that they simply just love doing. There is the accountant who works very hard all day and is very good at her job but in the evening she is a singer and likes nothing more than singing in a group or in a choir and the minister who is actually an expert model train buff; and we could go on, you just have to find out what nourishes you; make this a priority because it is all about you.

Stay in the Present – In any situations of extreme stress and trauma our internal gyroscope has a tendency to go a little bit haywire and our focus shifts from the present in a dramatic manner. What am I going to do now? How am I going to cope in the future? How am I going to look after my family? These are all questions that take on overwhelming proportions. There is also a tendency to focus powerfully on the past and play our internal video again and again; sometimes to confirm why we are in this situation or to prove that we were in the right. But as we have told people in our care on so many different occasions, live a day at a time, it's almost like trying to give up smoking or drugs; all I need to do is just get through today and that will be a huge success. Focus on the present moment; scale down, simplify - but live just for today. There will come a time for future plans and putting the past into perspective but in the middle of the pain; stay in the present.

Accept Support – This is really a tough one, particularly for us who were trained, or maybe just expected to be the tower of strength to people under our care. There are classic cases of people who claimed there was no help available, no one was interested, when in actual fact the offered help was either not recognized or not accepted. We, of all people, have to remember that giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin. We have all been in a meeting where Mrs. Brown who sits in the back seat hangs on every word as if it was inspired from heaven itself and in the band playing second tenor is one of Gods awkward saints, or as my son would call- EGN’s (Extra Grace Needed) who, as soon as the sermon starts you can almost hear him saying derisively “Go on; Bless me if you can!” Without the receiver, the givers gifts of encouragement, comfort and support are wasted. Accept the support of friends and family and be aware that by allowing them to support you; you are giving them a very precious gift.

Trust Yourself –There is a good chance that you have been here before. It is sometimes amazing to think that many of us got through adolescence, school and that first job, many of us enjoyed our time in the Training College but for some it was a trauma and Commissioning was almost like escaping from permanent after-school detention, but we survived and possibly prospered to some degree. No matter who you are, I believe that within your innermost being you have all the resources that are needed to become the ‘successful’ person that you were created to be. None of us were created to be failures. This is not a feel good comment this is what I really believe. Trust yourself to get through the difficult times and you will. Then – you can focus on the future, visualize yourself in front of a blank canvas, but it is not the canvas that is the focus it is what you can create for your future. If you can think it; you can create it. How do you want to write the next chapter? You have within you the ability to move further into what has to be one of the most creative periods of your life.

Forgive Past Errors – Of all people we should know the power of forgiveness. It is a word that we have grown up with, some of us from our Junior Soldiers pledge. In the transition from ‘Officer’ to ‘Former’ this can be of great help in moving on to the next stage. Yes of course, forgiving people who we feel have wronged us, who have hurt us and possibly brought us to this moment of distress; that forgiveness is obvious but it is more important to forgive ourselves for our mistakes, things not done, and people we have possibly treated badly, because we are the ones who are carrying this burden and it us who are being emotionally and spiritually damaged. If we can get to the point of forgiveness of others treatment of us and possibly our treatment of others then we will be able to move on to our future with a lighter spirit and renewed expectations for the future.

Growth is Creative. Finally - take advantage of the opportunity in these difficult times to re-create your life by nourishing yourself, staying present, accepting support, trusting yourself, visioning possibilities and letting go of the past and perceived limitations. For most of us ‘Formers’ is now a title that will live with us for the rest of our lives and we can let it define our future for better or…………

I have often had a picture in my mind the Hill of Calvary; the crosses are empty and are set in stark contrast to the setting sun in the background. For me, this is a sad scene because too often we focus on the crosses and the pain and trauma, where in actual fact they need to be cleared and the dawn then has the freedom to really be a new day without the painful reminder. The transition for many of us continues to be difficult but it can also be the best time of our life to explore ways to live more harmoniously with ourselves and others.

"Fletch"
Peter Fletcher
Former
Australia