I am 35, a wife, and a mother of two. I love my life but I know that I am not where I belong.
I began attending army meetings and youth activities when I was 12 years old and my life was built around that. There I found friends and people that truly cared about me. I'm not saying that my family didn't care, but this was a deeper, different care. GOD was there.
For as long as I can remember I was army all the way to the bone. I was accepted no matter what. I worked at camp, went to youth councils, and participated any where I could. I loved the army; I was army!
I am from ALM and then I moved to Texas to get away from my home. I did all of my testing and everything else required to get into the training college.
I went to assist at a corps and then I went to work at camp before we left for training. I was a Messenger of Hope in the USA Southern Territory. I truly loved it... tt was my life. During my second year I met my future husband at a Future Officer’s Fellowship retreat. I was going to finish my second year and he was going to do his ‘first year’ and then we were going to get married and go back in order for him to finish his second year. Well, in May, just before my commissioning, I was told that I wasn't deemed ready.
The officer at the training college wanted to tell my ‘family’ (the people that I had just spent 2 years of my life with) that I was leaving for personal reasons, however, I told him that I wouldn't let him lie to them. I went and sat through him telling them why I was leaving. To be honest, I felt as if my soul was being taken from my chest. We decided that we would get married and go assist an officer that we were close to. The DC in Texas was happy, the DC in Florida (where my husband is from), and the DC where we were going to go (ALM) was all for it. Well, one officer decided that he didn't want us in the division there, and that really hurt. I decided that I wasn't going back and it was like I had killed someone. But I think I was the one that was hurt.
Well, we got married and we didn't have much to do with the army for a while. I guess it was about 3 years before we went to work for some friends. It was great. We were with the army for about 4 years until some other friends (that were officers) did some ‘bad stuff’ and they tried to put us in the middle of it. That was not a good thing. Again I felt as if my life was falling apart.
I guess it has been about 9 years since I have had anything to do with the army. I am happy with my life but I know that it isn't complete. I made my husband and my children my world. I didn't have any contact with anyone from the army. I know that I was running from my calling. If I got in touch with anyone, they would ask that question,"When are you going back."
My husband doesn't want anything to do with it and that hurts me more than anything in the world. This is the first year that we have been back to the corp. Not our home corps, but one that is about 3 hours away. They want my children to go to camp and I would love that. I hope that it works out for them to go. I want them to have that in theie life because I believe that it saved my life.
So that is where I am right now. I love the army but I am afraid that I will get hurt once again and I don't like to even think in that direction...
(name on file)
Former Cadet
USA South
6 comments:
Phew! That hurts!!!
A lack of understanding, rejection, pain, and now the possibility of the process starting all over again. In the midst of all of this I admire you for wanting the same joys and delights for your own children.
Praying God's richest blessings upon you and those whom you love.
'I am 35, a wife, and a mother of two. I love my life ...'
Could this be a case of when God closes one door He opens another? Having closed one door God gave you some very special people for your personal love and ministry. I know it's not the same and you could respond why can't I have both. But some of us within Officership cry the same and have to believe: 'Just where He needs me, my Lord has placed me' and with the people He has lovingly given us.
Active USA East
It is sad for me to think that it was man's will rather than God's will that uprooted you and your husband from becoming and serving as Salvation Army officers.
I hope and pray that you and your family will one day become enveloped once again in the work of the Army because God has given you many special gifts.
UKT had a system wherby if you weren't ready for Commissioning, you could stay on out training for an extra year - or longer, if needed. The system was also used for other reasons, e.g. if a couple in same Session who had been going out together split up, one would stay out for an extra year, or more if desired. Then they'd do their 2nd. year with a later Session. Now I believe training can take as long as the Cadet needs, & they don't have to be resident at College, though 2 years training in College is the preferred norm.
I wonder how many of the disciples would have been deemed unfit or not ready for officership??? Thomas doubted, Peter denied, Judas betrayed, James and John were sons of thunder (anger management), Matthew was a tax collector... Yet Jesus chose to use them all.
I'm not even sure Jesus would have been accepted for training school. He was accused of being a wine bibber, associating with prostitutes, being a rabble rouser...and he definately didn't mince words when dealing with hypocracy.
I’m sorry you’ve been hurt and pray that God will bring about complete restoration and healing to you and your husband.
I can't imagine your hurt. Remember the Army is not the only work God has going. He called you to serve Him. So realize you can serve Him anywhere. Find a wonderful church home where your abilities and talents and gifts can be used in ministry for Him.
The more you get involved in this way the less the hurt will be that was inflicted by The Salvation Army.
And enjoy every moment God gives to you with your family. Your children certainly don't have to go to Salvation Army Camp to save their lives. You are right their with them. Many churches have camps and summer activities that your children will thoroughly enjoy and will grow in their love for Christ. Just make sure they are grounded in Him.
Former
USA
EAst
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