My Calling

In one of my classes with young adults with disabilities (I'm on the far left)

We left officership many years ago, just before the birth of our first child, when my husband chose to pursue higher education. It soon became clear, however, that it was one step closer toward his desire to pursue a gay lifestyle and so, about a year later, we divorced. I found myself living in his hometown, not mine. And since I would not divulge the reasons for our divorce, thereby exposing him, it was decided by someone in the Army, and then generally assumed by all, that I must have left him for another man. I’d left the house and took nothing but the baby, clothing and baby furniture – a friend explained much later that it LOOKED like a woman leaving for another man. And she is right. But it was my choice not to expose the truth of our divorce and I didn’t feel I should have to earn faith from those who should have known better.

In time though, I’ve found it easy to forgive people for their need to place blame. The fact is, when you are in a position of ministry (which my husband and I had continued to be even after leaving officership), you truly owe people the answers to WHY. We in leadership don’t have the luxury of privacy when it appears we have sinned; we owe explanations to those who have faithfully followed our ministry. I refused to offer one and forced people to reason out their own. I certainly cannot blame them. It was, however, the first step away from TSA into another church.

The question of “calling” remained with me. Had I truly left my call? I’m not the only person who felt like a fish out of water after leaving a position of spiritual leadership. Subsequent to all my administrative/ spiritual experience in TSA, I became a secretary. Wow; how uninspiring! It eventually led to work in Human Resources, which was a bit more people oriented, but still uninspiring.

The years have brought new things. I pursued a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree that opened the door to teaching art classes for a living. I returned to volunteer youth ministry 18 years ago and I married my current husband 16 years ago, a wonderful Christian guy. He is very involved in church leadership and I’m Christian Ed Director now as well. Yet the question of “calling” has remained these many years in the back of my mind.

A few years ago, I attended a Spiritual Enrichment retreat organized by a couple filled with the Holy Spirit, to say the least about them. They were very genuine and transparent and I trusted their spiritual insight and leadership. Now, I believe in Mystery and I’ve experienced it myself, and yet I do tend to be a concrete realist by nature – not a cynic but a skeptic, cautious about matters pertaining to the Spirit’s movement. I must be convinced, and God has always honored that.

Well, it was a spiritually enriching weekend filled with a number of personal “God moments” for me. At our closing worship, the couple conducted a sacramental hand-washing ceremony, a twist on foot washing I suppose. The plan was that, one by one, each of us would step forward as the Spirit led and allow one of them to pour water over our hands and quote a verse of scripture and then the other would dry our hands and offer a personal blessing. Okay, well right there I was on my guard – My first thought was, “Well, at least it’s not a foot washing!” Yet as the pianist continued playing and one by one people stepped forward for their blessing, I felt curiously moved. I sensed the Holy Spirit moving me and stepped forward to respond.

Now, what follows may communicate as clearly to some of you as it did me. As I said earlier, there remained in me a question about the validity of my “calling.” My current church is far removed from TSA and military jargon, and they knew very little about my former officership role and me. However, after my hands had been washed and I stood beside the woman who dried them, she looked me in the eye and said, “You are a captain in God’s army and he has gifted you for His work.” I was flabbergasted. I cried immediately. It was as though God had given her words that would make a special connection with me alone.

Here is the reality of my calling today: I work as an artist teaching art classes to a wide array of people: besides my regular adult and children’s classes, I teach disabled adults at the veteran’s home and disabled children through an organization called Very Special Arts. I’ve done murals with kids in the inner-city and taught art classes at summer camps. I’ve played a key role in developing a variety of children’s/youth ministries in my current church, locally and regionally. I know that bringing ministry to such different kinds of people is a gift and talent that was honed in The SA. None of it was wasted. Yet to finally fully realize that I am still “called” validated all of this for me. It has deeply affected my whole attitude towards my work and ministry.

So my trumpet call to others would be that, YES you are still called, no matter what happened in the Army and no matter how uninspiring your current job may be. He is the Master of reshaping our lives and our ministry. First He must recreate our hearts and souls and then He recreates our work (because we are more precious to Him than our work.) In God’s eyes, our work is a completion of our own value, not the essence of it -- which is perhaps where this whole story should have started not ended.


Victoria Marnich-Reynolds
Grand Rapids, Michigan