A friend who’s been employed at the seminary in our community came into my office today and said, “I resigned from my job yesterday.” I was surprised, as I knew that he truly enjoyed the writing and development work he’d been doing, and realized that there must be more to the story. And there was, for as the story unfolded I learned that he and his wife had been having problems for a while, leading to their decision to separate, at least for a time. As a result, the seminary has now required him to resign his position, leaving him with a broken family and no work.
At a time when he needs the church to step up and provide a place for healing, the arm of the church that’s been his employer for some time is no longer willing (or able) to walk alongside through these dark waters. Now I don’t know the details of my friend’s marital concerns, but I do know that he has done the things that Christians do when their marriage is troubled. They went to counseling. They prayed. They spoke with dear friends. They tried, they really tried. But it just didn’t work out.
These are good, godly people. He hasn’t robbed a bank. She hasn’t murdered anyone. They both love Jesus and are spending time in the Word. They just can’t live together in marriage, at least for now.
This is not a new story, for it’s happened to Salvation Army officer friends. Yes, the innocent party has sometimes been able to remain an officer, but generally only if he or she is willing to divorce the spouse.
I know that a ministry has to have standards. I know God hates divorce. I know, I know, I know. But I care about my friend, his wife, his children, and I know that God cares about him much more than I do. I am grieving for them just now.
Major JoAnn ShadeMajor JoAnn Shade ministers with her husband Larry as the corps officers and Directors of the Ray and Joan Kroc Corps Community Center. She received a B.A. in sociology from S.U.N.Y. at Binghamton, a M.A. in Pastoral Counseling, and a Doctor of Ministry degree from Ashland Theological Seminary in June, 2006. She is a prolific writer, lecturer, and busy counselor and has contributed to this blog since its inception.
12 comments:
We divorced after many years of a 'rocky' relationship. Our faith kept us strong, civil and respectful, for the most part. There was never any unfaithfulness on the part of any of us, nor ever any suspicion of any unethical or illegal activity- Yet, when we divorced wee were told we'd have to resign and wait two year before any consideration for re-acceptance be given. Two excellent officers lost !
Two friends, one having been unfaithful, resigned and in weeks both were employed at THQ. Seems different rules apply in accordance with who one's friends are?!
Former
USA Central
A Newsweek article states: “In recent years the divorce rate for protestant clergy has risen to match the general population.” In other words, clergy and their families are not immune to the human tragedies that infect us all.
The Bible explicitly describes how pastors should treat their families: “You must manage your own family well, with children who respect and obey you. For if you cannot manage your own household, how can you take care of God’s church?” (1 Timothy 3:4-5)
active
UK
We have a terrible habit in the Army of kicking someone when they are down. Pulling the rug from under them when what they need most is love, care and support. I had hoped over the years we had moved away from this - obviously not!
Like JoAnn, I know, I know, I know all the arguments - BUT, we are talking about people's lives. Would Jesus really want us to add to their agony? Is it really out of the question for us to support them through the worst of times and maybe then help them to adjust to different circumstances? The world treats hurting Christians better than we do. God forgive us and help us to get it right!
Active UKT
For many years, I stayed in a relationship that was emotionally abusive both to me and the children. The breaking point came one evening when I arrived home after Home League to see my children cowering in their beds, shaking - one with a large hand print on his thigh.
I decided then and there that I would remove them and myself from a dangerous situation.
When the Divisional Commander was alerted to my decision (my husband was totally against any change because things were "good"), he came and tried for 3 hours to talk me into staying.
At the actual day of departure, I got nothing in the way of emotional support from anyone representing the Army. The ex stayed in the appointment and continued his duties as an officer.
When that severence check came - the only thing the letter said was - "you got a larger portion because the children are with you". No "God bless you", No "We will be praying" - Just the sound of a door be slammed as I walked out.
Former
USA East
For you, Former USA East, my eyes tear up and weep. What a terrible, terrible way to be treated; by not only your spouse but your 'pastor'. I can only hope time and love from other sources than TSA leadership has healed some of your pain and that life is once again good.
Can't help but think about where a female active friend m ight be if she'd followed through some 10 years ago and divorced; 2 years out and a return to her true destiny as a SA leader. Still captive in mid-management due her husband's limitations and the army's inability to be gender blind...
Active officer
USA
Yes, Deb, time - and GOD heals all wounds. I've also re-married a wonderful Christian man - who treat my children as his own. Thank God for Christian fellowship and support - OUTSIDE ARMY CIRCLES.
Former
USA East
Sometimes depending on who is in charge, people are mistreated and the innocent are punished. Sounds like a poor leadership problem again. Changes need to be implemented and leaders need to be held accountable.
How terrible some have been treated and my heart aches.
Members of the occult are praying specifically for the breakdown of Christian marriages and especially those of Christian leaders. Seeing we are on the winning side surely we should be praying just as intentely for the protection of them!
Active UKT
JoAnn, as always it is good to see you writing on this blog. You always give us something worthwhile, and valuable, giving us much room for thought. Your contribution is very much appreciated. THANK YOU!
Former UKT
Thank you JoAnn, food for prayer and thoughtful action.
Active
USA East
This is an interesting statement - "Members of the occult are praying specifically for the breakdown of Christian marriages and especially those of Christian leaders" and leads me to question who would post such a thing and where would the same be getting their info. So they do not pray for the breakdown of all marriage but only Christian marriage?
I personally think it takes a lot more than prayer for a marriage to succeed. And since we believe we have the only one true God and only he has the correct answers and only his way is true why do we even put credence into such a thing. I'm just saying.
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