
It is still cool enough to enjoy being out of doors; far enough away from the August and September heat that causes even the most outdoorsy among us to run screaming from anything called nature. Still far enough away from the oppressive humidity that causes one to compulsively set the air conditioning at RUN 24/7 AND NEVER SHUT OFF regardless of the impending electric bill. It is still far enough away from the day after day reality of the extremely long, painfully hot summer to be enjoyed as a pleasant experience.
These are the evenings to sit beneath the tree with a drink and a book until it is too dark to any longer see the print on the pages but trying still to squeak through one more paragraph because it is just too beautiful to head back in. It is the time to watch the birds take their last nibbles and drinks and listen to their last songs of the day. The rabbits finish their scurrying to and fro; the bats begin to circle and the owls hoot. The sun twinkles its last twinkle through the tree canopy and begins the descent slowly and quietly over the back fence and finally over the horizon of the earth. This is why I moved to Florida. For this long beautiful day I linger over each year until it comes again. I celebrate it anew each time, looking forward to it more and more each year.
As with all things, good or bad, this too shall pass. Now begins the marking of the minute later of each morning sunrise and the minute earlier of the evening sunset. I know the days will get shorter now, each day by a minute or two until we reach the next solstice; the winter solstice when we will celebrate the shortest day of the year. Not so much a celebration for me as an acknowledgment that once again the tide will turn.

What does my love of summer solstice have to do with anything Army, Former, or Christian? Maybe everything - maybe nothing. Perhaps it is that long day that gives me extra time but make me think it does; about many of things. I believe in something larger than myself; larger than the church; larger than the earth that keeps the universe not only spinning but spinning on an axis that causes day and night and both of those to lengthen and shorten depending on the time of year and where I am situated on the globe. My love of summer solstice will be equal with Fletch’s endurance of winter solstice and vice versa. But does it make me believe or keep me believing in God? Not so sure. I still question so very, very much.
I question why God would allow the Crusades. I question why there are so few saints canonized in these modern and post modern times. I question those who hear voices saying God speaks to them. I question the virgin birth. I question the resurrection. I question transubstantiation; Jim Jones, William Booth, Warren Jeffs, and David Koresh. I question the Pope and the Vatican. I question how money, resources, and personnel are spent in the name of religion, church, Army, and God.
Do I believe in heaven? I’d like to. Do I believe I will be reunited with loved ones? I’d hope so. Do I believe I’ll dance before angels, and saints, and the holy trinity? I think so.
I do not believe I am an atheist (noun - someone who denies the existence of god or refuses to believe (as in a divinity) but perhaps an agnostic (noun – one who believes that it is impossible to know whether there is a God or one who is skeptical about the existence of God). For certain, I no longer consider myself a Christian. Not religious but spiritual. I have far too many unanswered questions to keep those blinders on. What little I see through my peepholes causes me more heartbreak than joy among those who call themselves by that name.
Make no mistake about it I am a self actualized fulfilled woman with a life of happiness and contentment. Spare me the comments that my cry for spiritual help is loud and clear. Or that my question can be blindly answered by ‘faith’. It cannot. I love the words of the Bible, the old hymns of the Lutherans, my Episcopalian upbringing, and the writings of Ravenhill because they make me think. I also love Bracketology, Religulous, Reverend Billy and the Libertyville Abortion Demonstration because they make me think as well.
Soon I will once again watch the summer solstice and I still will not have the answers for which I long. But I know full well the earth will still spin, the sun will still shine, and my God (however I define that) will still be revealing some answers, more questions and perhaps even more answers.

Name on file
USA South