BETRAYAL AND FOREGIVENESS -1-

Harriet had served the ministry’s leaders faithfully for a quarter of a century. They were a godly couple, stepping out in faith in powerful ways. A model of a faithful marriage, they were seen as blessed by God. Working for them had not always been easy, but she was deeply committed to the ministry. She had left once, but God had made it clear to her that she was to return, and had promised her that he understood, and that he would allow her to birth a project of her own that would be of value to the Kingdom. Not flashy or world-known, Harriet’s network of care to women in ministry gave both financial and spiritual support to isolated women around the world. Reverend Smith had given his blessing to her work, as long as it didn’t interfere with her job as his wife’s administrative assistant, and Harriet found great joy in those contacts made in the hours she spent weaving her web of connection among these amazing women.

Somehow, the local religion editor heard about Harriet’s ministry, and she did a sensitive feature for the Sunday paper about the ways in which Harriet’s work had impacted women. Harriet read the article with a hesitant pride, realizing how God had used her, through his promise, to bless others. She was so grateful that her small idea had reached so many, enriching her life as well.

When Reverend and Mrs. Smith asked to see her on Monday morning, she entered the office basking in the reporter’s glowing words. Indeed, her ministry-child was flourishing, even if it paled in comparison to what God was doing in the world-wide ministry of the Smiths. She was blind-sided by the attack. “How could you draw attention to yourself in such a way? You are a traitor to our ministry. You’ve compromised what we’ve worked so hard for by your underhanded actions. You must leave. We’ll ship your personal items to your apartment this afternoon. Go – now.” Mrs. Smith did the talking, while Reverend Smith sat stone-faced at her side. Harriet turned to him to save her. “You knew I was involved in this – in fact, you were the one who gave me the courage and inspiration to begin in the first place.” Sheepishly, he turned to Harriet and said, “I’m sorry – it must be as my wife has spoken. We will give you two weeks salary, but you must go now.”

Betrayal. The slang tells the tale: Harriet had been stabbed in the back, sold down the river over another’s envy. Does it happen? Harriet’s story is more common than we’d like to admit. (See Hagar’s story in Genesis 21 for an ancient version of Harriet’s tale). It takes many forms: A trusted assistant begins a new church in the next town, and takes half the congregation with her. The denomination announces the pastor’s next assignment, and everybody knows that it’s payback for standing up to the bishop. A pastor’s wife sacrifices for many years for her husband’s ministry, and then is abandoned for a woman who understands his needs better (and who is ten years younger).

The pain from such a betrayal throbs late into the night. This slap in the face has left its ugly handprint indelibly seared on the cheek of the one who has been betrayed. And it seemingly was done in the name of God. It is a grief deeper than the ocean. At first, you can’t believe that it has happened, and you know that God will surely have to step in and right the wrong that has been done in his name. Yet nothing happens. The betrayer gets away with the Judas kiss. You vacillate between an anger that seethes from your bones over the injustice that has been done, and an ache so raw that it can’t stand to be touched. This hurts like nothing you’ve ever experienced before.

It helps to read the Psalms and realize that David had experienced similar emotions.

Vindicate me, O God, and defend my cause against an ungodly people;
from those who are deceitful and unjust deliver me!
For you are the God in whom I take refuge; why have you cast me off?
Why must I walk about mournfully because of the oppression of the enemy? (Psalm 43:1-2, NRSV)
You keep reading: “O send out your light and your truth; let them lead me, let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling” (43:3). Yes, God, this is what I want – your light and truth –bring me to a holy response to what has been done to me.

And then you turn to the pages of the gospels in your morning reading, and the words of Jesus leap off the page:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’
Yes, that’s the way it should be – she deserves to suffer just as I have.
“But I say to you, Do not resist an evil-doer.
But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other cheek . . .
You have heard that it was said,
‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’
But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
so that you may be children of your Father in heaven . . .”
(Matthew 5:38-39, 43-45).

Then Peter came and said to him [Jesus], “Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?”
Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.
(Mt. 18:21-22)

I can’t. I cannot do this. I cannot forgive this betrayal. And that is true. You can’t forgive this. Not yet. Not fully. Not on your own. But if we are to be serious about the instruction of the scripture, we must move in the direction of forgiveness. For forgiveness is much more a process than one specific action. We stand at the place of the offense and we have a choice. We can move in the direction of mercy, or we can move in the direction of bitterness. Each step we take away from the place of offense leads us in one direction or the other. We can choose the way of Christ, or not.

But his love is greater than all our hate, and he will not rest until Judas has turned to him, until Satan has turned to him until the dark has turned to him; until we can all, all of us, without exception, freely return his look of love with love in our own eyes and hearts. And then, healed, whole, complete but not finished, we will know the joy of being co-creators with the one to whom we call. (Madeleine L’Engle, The Irrational Season, 215)

Major JoAnn Shade ministers with her husband Larry as the corps officers and Directors of the Ray and Joan Kroc Corps Community Center. She received a B.A. in sociology from S.U.N.Y. at Binghamton, a M.A. in Pastoral Counseling, and a Doctor of Ministry degree from Ashland Theological Seminary in June, 2006. She is a prolific writer, lecturer, and busy counselor and has contributed to this blog since its inception.

This article first appeared in the Autumn/Winter 2005 issue of Mutuality, a publication of Christians for Biblical Equality.