"Follow me, and I will make you a fisher of men." Jesus' very last words to Peter, again down at the waters of the Sea of Galilee, and after His resurrection were, "Feed my sheep, Follow me." I have just returned home from feeding His sheep and what a journey we have made together, the family and I, these last few months. It’s incredible the determination some people have when faced with a terminal illness. As they journey through, it’s a painful process as each person has to come to terms with their own loss of life and leaving behind all that matters dearly to them, but most especially, family. This process is an essential part of the journey that they must travel; not an easy one and not one that everyone is willing to take. One has to understand that some people choose to take some things with them to the grave!!!
The family who I am journeying with are amazing! Jack (name changed) has a brain tumour and is the most determined person I have ever come across. This determination has been extended to his lovely wife and three children who together form a close knit family unit.
Our journey together has consisted of deep spiritual moments and Jack has been able to express and talk about his faith, belief and what gives value and meaning to his life. Never once has Jack been angry about his diagnosis/prognosis, rather the frustration has been about not being able to walk and to sit; instead having to watch his body deteriorate before his very eyes and not be able to do anything about it. Jack was a very active man. He loved the outdoor life and sailing was his passion, and he has daily grieved the loss of this very big part of his life.
Last evening I received a call from one of the Nurses caring for Jack, saying he was asking to see me. The nurse explained briefly that he had asked to speak with the medical Consultant and had made a very big decision concerning his medication. Part of his medication was controlling the pain and symptoms of his tumour that were keeping him alive. Jack made a brave decision once he had spoken in some depth with the Consultant. He requested that they halt the medication that was sustaining his life. Jack’s emotional, heartfelt words to me on my arrival at his bedside were, ‘this is not quality of life, I want things now to take their natural cause’. Jack was nearing the end; he had accepted that there was nothing more that could be done for him and he was now ready to enter the final stage of his journey.
Today, was another day of journeying with Jane, (name changed) Jack’s wife. I sat with her as the Consultant told her what to expect in the next couple of days; Jack becoming more sleepy, a possibility of increased seizures and headaches as the medication was discontinued. Jane, was another incredibly brave soul! My heart again went out to this strong, brave woman, who was always hopeful for a miracle, but knew deep within her heart it was not to be. I then was asked again by Jack to remain as the Consultant spoke with them together about the medication and if they had any questions or needed clarification. Jane simply said ‘I’ll be strong for you Jack, very strong’, as the tears flowed. For me I had to fight back the tears and my own emotion as I needed to be strong for them both.
As I left them to talk further, privately, I knew I had to withdraw and find a quiet spot to release the emotion and pain I felt. The intensity of this situation required me to draw from my Shepherd the nourishment I needed to sustain my sheep, the flock that God has called me to serve.
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Jack passed away peacefully on Sunday morning, with his family around him. His wife is comforted by the fact he is now free from his suffering and how the sunshine lit the room when his journey finally came to an end. I have the privilege of leading Jack's funeral at his request next Tuesday, please remember this family in your prayers.
I praise God for my ministry and thank him for giving me the grace and skills required to do His will.
Perhaps there's a former officer out there who'se own health is such that you aren't able to Shepherd as you'd like. Please consider sharing my shepherd duties with me. There are those certain times when knowing I have your prayers sustaining me is just the comfort and strength I need.
Blessings,
Tracey Oliver
UK Territory
(Part One)
25 comments:
Bless you for what you do in Jesus' name. You are in my prayers and I'm sure, all in this fellowship and many more...
Former officer
USA
Tracey, Thank you for sharing a beautiful example of ministry in action. The Lord has obviously blessed you with a special gift, and I am confident He will continue to open doors to ministry for you. Be assured that I will be praying for you! Many blessings!
Tracey, in reading your story I'm certain every visitor to our site will empathize with you and no doubt recall similar experiences where the demands seemed greater than one could bear.
I recall when a small team of six officers sat with General Eva in her hotel room in Leningrad, Russia, charged to open fire in that immense country... the challenges seemed insurmountable. The General led our little group in the chorus; "He Giveth More Grace as our Burdens Grow Greater..." Her choice of those words was prophetic, remembering though what she had faced as a SA missionary those many years in Rhodesia. The words were called on often in the next 6 years, and beyond.
Take those words to heart and be assured of the prayers of this "officer" fellowship.
Blessings, Sven
I wonder if others share my experience?
I was deeply hurt by the indifference of some leaders when I had to leave the work. I have resolved all the issues and find that as a result of my pain I find it easier to enter into the suffering of others, and use what I learnt in helping them.
Perhaps that's the positive lesson to take from a very negative experience. I'm active in my corps and assist whenever possible in visitation.
Former Officer
UK
Tracy,
I know not where the following words originated from, but I recall them a young teen attending youth councils for the first time in Southern New England.
I believe they come from the musical Jesus Folk?
"Someone is praying for you. Someone is praying for you.
So, when it seem you're all alone and your heart would break in two. Remember, someone is praying for you."
A Former UK Officer commented…
I was deeply hurt by the indifference of some leaders when I had to leave the work. I have resolved all the issues and find that as a result of my pain I find it easier to enter into the suffering of others, and use what I learnt in helping them.
--------------------
You're right!
I would not be equipped to live my calling today if it wasn't for my experience these past 10 years. I have worked through my pain and suffering and through His grace, I am able to minister to the broken-hearted.
Active Leaders/Officers who visit this blog, please be sensitive to us formers (we all experienced pain in some form and some may be still hurting). When you hear of those who are resigning/leaving, for whatever reason, support them through prayer, a telephone call or visit, and perhaps send a card. Leaving/resigning officership is a grieving process and you go through many losses; a job, home, friends, familiar environment, even family break-ups; all in all it's a massive bereavement!
Tracey Oliver
UK Territory
Tracey,
Thanks for sharing your story. I was blessed for many years to have a job in The Army- as an employee to also have a ministry. The gift of comforting people is not one reserved strictly for those in our organization who wear red on their shoulders.
Thank you for the reminder, that all of us must press on to reach out to those who need us!
We can still have a ministry - we have to look for it and make it happen!
God Bless You.
Lauren (Lorry) Garell
Former Officer
USE
Edited from something forwarded to me...
"The hurting pastor (Officer) needs to see someone who models transparency and doesn't hide the brokenness and heartaches of those who serve the Lord, who can also point to the all-sufficient grace and power of God to meet the needs of his servants.
The hurting pastor (former Officer) needs to be able to talk about his/her struggles with others who listen and care and pray. The restorative grace of the Good Shepherd is often mediated through those who have suffered greatly. He comforts us so that we can comfort others with the same comfort we've received. It is easier for the hurting pastor to unburden himself/herself, and find renewed hope, if he/she speaks to one (a former Officer) who has travelled the same path, and witnesses to God's grace out of his own weakness.
Advice won't be received very easily if it comes from a professional (HQ Officer) who "speaks down" to the hurting soul. That may produce embarrassment and a deeper sense of failure. Counsel will be better received if it comes from a fellow struggler, a wounded healer, who comes alongside the hurting pastor and witnesses of God's amazing grace.
Thank you for providing this fellowship. I resigned last year due our divorce.
I am back home and active in the songsters and play the piano on occasion. Sundays are very spiritual. Weekdays though are difficult - alone and find it difficult to open the Bible and even to pray. The articles and comments in this blog site are, for now, my spiritual fodder.
Thank you and bless you all.
Former officer
UK
Our thoughts are with you, and our hearts go out to you. I will uphold you in my prayers.
It's not easy to go back to one's home corps, but it's hopefully a place where you can feel supported, loved and cared for. The only trouble is, unless there are other "formers" in the Corps, nobody truly understands how one feels.
If I can be of support in any way the Editor has my email address.
Blessings to you.
Tracey Oliver
UK Territory
"Let me start by telling you that many of the people that I live with hear voices that tell them that they are no good, that they are a problem, that they are a burden, that they are a failure. They hear a voice that keeps saying, "If you want to be loved, you had better prove that you are worth loving. You must show it."
But what I would like to say is that the spiritual life is a life in which you gradually learn to listen to a voice that says something else, that says, "You are the beloved and on you my favor rests."
"The Life of the Beloved"
Father Henri Louwen
I believe you'll find a worthwhile read at; http://www.csec.org/csec/sermon/nouwen_3502.htm
Yesterday, I had to change buses near the Centre which was our last Appointment, & from which we resigned. My memories associated with it are, obviously, predominantly not happy ones. I haven't been near the place for nearly a quarter-century; I really can't believe it! Anyway, contributing to, & following, this site, together with visiting the place where we used to feed His sheep, has helped me lay many ghosts/demons to rest!
Former Officer, UK Territory.
I am miles from you Tracey, in fact on a different continent, but with you in Spirit! May God continue to give you strength as you serve in your "call".
I've enjoyed and been blessed by your articles (your witness) and look forward to reading Part Two.
Former Officer
I visit the blog each day, and it has been very helpful to me personally to know that I am a part of this supportive fellowship. I find myself re-reading the posted articles and searching for newly added comments. I wonder though, is there any possibility of adding new articles on a more frequent basis? I believe it would increase new visitors and also sustain the interest of those who visit on a daily basis.
Former Officer
USA West
I agree that more frequent updates would indeed increase readership and general interest. Regrettably, to date, there are too few "formers" submitting articles (no articles have ever been rejected, although some have been edited to reduce length) We are currently soliciting articles for the March 2008 series, and need two more to complete that series.
We invite all visitors to share, anonymously if you wish, if you'd like the articles to follow a common theme (that might well reduce the number of articles submitted?!) or if we should post them without an attempt at cohesion? Please share your comments directly to the blog, and submit articles to Ljungholms@CCSU.EDU with Former Officers' Blog in the subject line, in order that they can be easily spotted. All non-familiar e-mail addresses automatically go to a spam file and from which I extract them.
Active officers are encourage to add comments as well.
You will be interested to know that we have some 40 unique visitors to the blog site daily, signing in from many Canadian, USA and UK locations, and also daily visitors from Australia and Africa.
Blessings, Sven
When shadows fall and dark the night...
Lord, grant me courage, make me strong,
however steep the way, and long. Song 719
UK
I have been very pleased to have discovered this fellowship, as I often feel very isolated and feel I struggle alone.I feel jealous in a way that Tracey has managed to still minister to 'sheep' ( although I am sure she has experienced many difficulties too). I struggle with the fact that my calling to minister is still strong, in fact as strong as it ever was, but I have real blame issues with both God and the Army. I can't pray at the moment, but appreciate knowing that others are praying for me ( does that sound strange)
Since my marriage breakdown in 2006 I became very bitter and angry. But thanks to loving, caring 'real' Christians, I am beginning to heal and move on. I do appreciate that many who discover this fellowship feel the same as I do, and it certainly brings hope and comfort to me that one day.... I will be able - Like Tracey to minister again!
Former Officer
UK
I can understand your feelings totally.
Although a decade ago now, I remember it as clear as if it were yesterday.
Similar thoughts to yourself, my calling so strong, yet I could not continue. I craved for a ministry! I went from job to job not finding fulfillment and pleaded with God 'There has to be more to life than this.
It wasn't until June 2005, seven years later that my prayer was answered and the job was advertised at the local hospice. Even a bigger blessing to discover they didn't want a practising ordained minister, but would accept a lay worker if it were the right man/woman for the job.
I thank God daily for giving me back my ministry.
Early days for you I know and the loss is painful, but have faith to believe God has a plan for your life. In time he will reveal it, for he makes all things beautiful in His time.
You are very much in my thoughts and prayers
Tracey
UK
Is SA leadership reading this? I pray they are as we are people who want to step in and make a difference!
Former in the UK
Are you reading these articles Larry Moretz and Mark Tillsley?
The immediate answer is yes, leadership (with more being alerted to the presence of this site) is not only listening, but responding. The questions in the mind of some of them are probably, "who are these formers, who do they speak for, and, what do they want?"
And the simple answer is, "We are all people called to serve as officers in The Salvation Army, and many want to return to answer that call."
What follows...
My mind goes to the prodigal son, not knowing is the father can forgive, wanting to know if the father really cares.
Months have gone by, and the son begins the long trek back, yet, not certain of what awaits him. He hides behind a tree, and there he steals a look and sees his father, walking to and fro in the shadow of the window, late into the night; oh how he cares... The son steps out from where he was hiding, wondering, will he have me back? And we know what follows; we've all preached on it, and seen people come to the Mercy Seat, and prayed with them... - The father runs to enfold his son in love, but what is too often missed; the servant ran along side... That picture is forgotten. Yes, we have the father represent the Father. However, he was not alone. The breathless father turns to an equally exhausted servant and he is given orders to "fetch the tunic, kill the fatted calf, my son has returned, sing Hallelujah, let's celebrate and give my son his commission back...!"
God is the Father; leadership are His servants.
Blessings, Sven
Sven,
My you receive the "well done..." and a crwon from our loving Saviour for your efforts in bringing together via the web this gifted, diverse, and talented bunch of former officers.
I would be wiling to serve with a good number of them (again) any day of the week and twice on Sunday. And on behalf of my colleagues who were quick to act and slow to listen, I apologize.
Active officer
Commissioner
USA
Commissioner, thank you !
Many are anxious to hear from you; your territory, wherever that may be. And there may be some who will wish to serve in an area away from their home territory who you might wish to contact.
Please contact me at Ljungholms@CCSU.edu so we can establish a dialogue. It will be in private. I have heard from other Commissioners and their identity will also remain private.
Blessings, Sven
I think - in fact I know that 'former officers' are sheep too, who desperately need people to lead, guide, direct and support them. I hope that many who discover this fellowship will eventually find their way back to ' the great Shepherd of the sheep', and for me, I hope that happens soon, because I hate being lost !
Former Oficer
UK
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