Please look after me too!

I had quite a conversation with my daughter recently, and she shared with me what were the happiest moments of her life. She said that the most treasured and memorable time was when she was growing up and we were living at the Training College at Denmark Hill. I enquired why she felt this way. She said it was because she felt very secure; she could play safely outside with her friends, had access to the kids club and loved the school she attended.

As we spoke though, she reminded me that by the age of 10 years old she had attended 6 different schools and 9 by the time she reached the age of 18. I often think that this is possibly the reason she doesn’t seem to settle at anything, but wants instead to be on with the next thing. I found myself apologizing for the upheavals that she has lived through in the short 19 years of her life. She reflected on our chat and said that she looks on them as the experiences that have made her into the person she is today! Her reflections were far from positive; she spoke specifically to me about the lack of support given to ‘officers children’ when their parents leave the work, for whatever reason. It’s painful recalling how the seemingly secure life of that officer’s child, my precious daughter, was thrown into such turbulence in an instant…

She said she would have appreciated the opportunity to talk with someone about what was happening in her life; the innocent victim in the separation from service process. When she talks about our ‘officership days’ she says instead, ‘When we were officers’. She feels that she was just as involved in church ministry as her father and I were. Sadly for her, she experienced four separations and bereavements concurrently; her parents were separating, she lost her home, she had to move to another town, she left all her friends behind. And one can add to that list; left the “home” corps, left the familiar corps’ youth groups and leaders; her spiritual mainstay. I wonder if in the busyness of doing God's work amongst the masses we somehow neglect the needs of those few closest and most dear to us, the OKs, believing God will see to their unique needs.

It wasn’t until she became a teenager that we found a supportive counseling program for her. She was provided access to the ‘relateen’, a national UK organization providing guidance and counseling service for children whose parents separate or divorce. It was through this counseling service that she was able to talk and work through the many painful and confusing issues. She shared though, that while the counselor was helpful and supportive, “the person never really fully understood my pain and frustration. She didn’t understand “the Army” part of it, the commitment that we as a family had shared prior to our abrupt departure and separation."

I would be interested to hear if anyone else’s children have experienced similar difficulties. Also, if anyone knows if the Army now offers support to children whose parents are leaving officership? I understand that establishing such a support program might be difficult, but I am sure that in every Division there could be a team of officer or soldier volunteers who would be willing to give of their time to support any young person who is faced with these unique upheavals in their far from ordinary life. In my professional life today I see clearly just how important counseling can be in healing the psyche (spirit). I would add though, that I don’t believe it would be a good idea for the support to be in the same Corps where the young person was active, as this could prove difficult for both the young person and the supporting adult(s).

I would be very interested, as I’m certain others would be as well, to receive comments on your experience and what we might do to initiate change.

Tracey Oliver
Hull Citadel Corps
(UK Territory)