Sunday, February 9, 2014

Finding a same sex date in the SA ... Part One GLBT Series 2014


Despite all the profound theological conversations that can be had surrounding my being gay, one topic that keeps coming up is my currently non-existent dating life. Even so, there are a number of challenges with being gay and finding a partner that most straight people wouldn’t be able to recognize. These are all my own beliefs, observations and experiences and I know what I’m going to say may be a little controversial. So let’s dive right in shall we?

Challenge Number 1: A lack of guys. Whenever my straight female friends tell me about how difficult it is to find a quality guy to date I feel like punching them in the throat. I don’t claim to be a mathematician or statistician, but let’s do some basic math. Out of a planet of 7 billion people, around half are men. Of these men, only 6% will be interested in other guys. So, as you can see, we went from around 3.5 billion to 210 million in an instant. Also take into account that this includes infants and the elderly and people who don’t speak English. When you get down to it, being gay sucks numbers wise. Finding each other therefore is difficult. I remember reading an article that stated 61% of gay relationships start on the internet. This is all well and good except for the fact that…

Challenge Number 2: The majority of people on the internet are crazy. Seriously. Gay or straight it appears that there is some unwritten law that the weirdest people in the world must have internet access. And this goes beyond quirky to creepy. Quirky is having someone memorize all the lines to all the lord of the rings movies and being able to recite them to you, a skill I actually find quite cool. Creepy is having someone ask you for one of your eyelashes. And because I’m a generally nice guy who will engage anyone in polite conversation I seem to attract more than my due share of creepy guys. Every once in awhile you can meet someone who you really hit it off with though. It is then you realize…

Challenge Number 3: Long distance relationships suck. Because there are so few good gay guys in the world and a lot of interaction nowadays is done over the internet it stands to reason that eventually you’ll meet someone who seems perfect except for the fact that they live too far away. My Mom seems convinced that if I have a partner in the world he’s currently living in South Africa or Australia. Being in a long-distance relationship involves two big pitfalls that, although some people can overcome, stop many relationships dead in their tracks. The first I have found is that long distance relationships tend to mature faster than they should relationally. Whereas if you’re living in the same city as someone you can go to a movie, play mini-golf, go shopping and generally have fun with a person, when you’re in a long distance relationship all there is to do is talk. Video-chatting, telephones, email the only fun you get to have together is basically getting to know one another. And when all you do is talk you need stuff to talk about, which brings up issues long before they should be discussed. The second pitfall, which is much bigger than the first, is that long distance is very tough to maintain. Some people, such as myself, love chatting with people in person but hate talking over the phone or internet. Also a lack of the physical connection of being in the same room together is incredibly frustrating. Not being able to hold your boyfriend’s hand or look in his eyes but simply staring at the computer screen is rough and not something a lot of people can do. Then there is the financial aspect of it. You can’t really be in a relationship unless you see that person in person, and travelling is really expensive. Sometimes though, the worst strains on a relationship come from outside of it.

End Part One

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10 comments:

Kjell Edlund said...

Now - here's a voice from the reality.
I suppose it's just one of many.
Just that this guy is right on it, and in a straight forward way.
Guess it will provoke some ones.
Good for him, I'd say!
God bless you in all your struggles of life!

Anonymous said...

The eclectic, yet fair and balanced, articles are a credit to the FSAOF and also in reflecting the research conducted in presenting the LGBT series. And it's encouraging to note the several personal accounts shared by LG salvos.

Your contribution to this ongoing divisive issue is admirable, and no one comes close in initiating efforts in encouraging respectful dialogue and Christian outreach.

I only hope that SA leaders are taking note!

LA

FORMER SALVATION ARMY OFFICERS FELLOWSHIP said...

Our attempt was to provide the most commodious and comprehensive series of articles exploring the LGBT issues possible on a Salvationist or Christian web or blog site. So far we believe we're right on track - with just a few more days to go.

Anonymous said...

I don't recall ever seeing an article about heterosexual dating - really, is this necessary? Perhaps people would be interested in everyone else's personal foray into dating? I think not. The low percentages of 'gays' quoted on the last couple of articles must be a source of distress to Mr Randall, though - he reckons it is much higher.

Anonymous said...

'We believe we're right on track' - I'd say the balance is once more floating towards bias in favour of LGBT.

FORMER SALVATION ARMY OFFICERS FELLOWSHIP said...

Anonymous, please rush me your 2 favourite SS conservative articles. If they're not already in our collection of more than 100 we'll post yours. Fair?

Anonymous said...

Commenter # 4,

Please stop knocking Mr. Randall. There's probably a lot more people out there who gladly support him, but maybe they live in places like Chicago and are much too busy this winter, spending every waking free moment they have, shoveling snow. Just wait until Mayday bub---and no I am not a communist.

Daryl Lach
USA Central

"You Must Go Home By the Way of the Cross, To Stand With Jesus In the Morning!"

Anonymous said...

I'm not knocking Mr Randall personally - just pointing out that his quotes on the percentages of LGBT people appear to be grossly exaggerated - by LGBT people themselves. That's all.

Anonymous said...

I have no doubt that the information in this article is correct and well written. However, when it comes to the issue of being gay, it should be hard to find a partner in The Salvation Army! The Salvation Army is a Biblical based organization . There may be areas of practice or theory that I disagree with SA leadership on, but I completely believe in the doctrines and the integrity of the SA leadership that choose to stand by Biblical principles. The idea that SA leadership should somehow cave to popular opinion and abandon the standards of the Bible itself is, in my opinion, misguided.

Now before anyone out there decides that I am "gay bashing". , please note that I have not, nor will I, make any kind of degrading or derogatory remarks about those who feel they are gay. I do not hate anyone or reject anyone because of lifestyle choices. I do recognize the scriptures as the living word of God himself. There is no argument or wiggle room in scripture on this issue. Choosing to live an active homosexual lifestyle is not within the bounds of scripture and is not an acceptable choice for a person who wants to be in a pastoral role. These are Gods standards according to scripture. If you do not choose to recognize scripture as your spiritual authority than the Salvation Army is not the organization for you.

Anonymous said...

To the person who said .... These are Gods standards according to scripture. ....
Well said indeed.